Catholic bishops attending an annual Poking Conference in Maynooth have congratulated TDs on taking on the “noble vocation” of political leadership.

“We applaud the self-sacrifice of these young men and women. Mainly the men of course,” said Bishop O’Toole, Auxilliary Bishop of Kilfeckwad Diocese.

Bishops: Ice Cream For Tiny Taoiseach-deignate Kenny

In a statement, the bishops said that they hoped that public policy would support and protect the common good, where “common” means “hetrosexual wedded breeding people”, rather than its confusing populist alternative meaning “everyone”.

The bishops denied they were interfering in politics, but said that they have “a duty to our flock, our herd and our collection of turtles, to speak out and encourage and promote Catholic values – not in a way which is prejudicial or discriminatory against other religious beliefs, goodness no – fair play to the heathens and may God have mercy on their souls, but rather to provide a spiritual counterpoint to the current secular theme – not that this is in anyway…. oh, feck it. Yes. We are interfering. Suck it up with your “cricket” ye Godless little gobshites. Amen.”

The bishops were speaking shortly after an informal meeting with Taoiseach-designate, Enda Kenny, at which they presented Mr. Kenny with an ice cream and made him feel small.

The very Reverend Ian Paisley, who travelled to Scotland to shout at His Holiness The Pope, another old man with different imaginary friends

Not since the glory days of the annual International Sir Harry Lauder Games which took place in Aberdeen up to 1967 have so many odd old men travelled to Scotland to pit their wits against one another.

Now it is the turn of a new decrepit generation to use the Bonnie Isle as a battleground. Ian Paisley, one time religious polemicist turned avuncular uncle, now a square one religious polemicist has travelled to Scotland to yell at Joseph Ratzinger, one time member of a shadowy regimented organisation which preyed on the young , now a……well, you see where I’m going with this really

Gaybo and Dermot get to grips with God, Blasphemy and so forth in thei sketch from Series 1 Episode 9 broadcast first on May 7 on Newstalk. Not for the weak-stomached. Or the Infidel.

Gay Byrne and Dermot Ahern [ 2:23 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

His Holiness Pope Bennyfromcrossroads XVI has fractured his right wrist following a fall. Had the mishap occurred some 69 years earlier, it would have prevented the Supreme Pontiff from participating quite as fully as he normally did during the saluting sections of meetings of Der Hitlerjugend.

The incident recalls an earlier ironical injury incurred by the current Pope’s immediate predecessor Johnpaul-Georgeringo II, who walking away pleased from relaying the Lord’s Divine Will that homosexuals, transsexuals and transvestites were abominations, tripped on the hem of his dress and broke his hip.