School Newsletter.

Tuesday, November 19th, 2013

St Garret's Newsletter #1

Enda Kenny And The Dáil Sing “What I Want” (Broadcast on 4fm 28.03.11)

Monday, March 28th, 2011

Prompted by a question to the Taoiseach from Sinn Féin Leader, Gerry Adams, Enda Kenny is joined by Michael, Noonan, Micheál Martin, Eamon Gilmore, Joe Higgins, Luke Ming Flanagan and eventually by everybody as the Dáil descends into song.

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Bin Martin’s Cave (Broadcast on 4fm 11.03.11)

Friday, March 11th, 2011

“Deep in a cave somewhere in The Galtee Mountains the once powerful warlord Onama Bin Martin, gathers the remnants of his raggle-taggle army around him…”
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The Oscars (Broadcast on 4fm 28.02.2011)

Monday, February 28th, 2011

In which the party leaders each receive an Oscar nomination.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 28 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.




Secret Deal May Hamper Kenny

Sunday, February 27th, 2011

“I want you to whack the man in the photo I’ve just given you…and remember, its got to look like an accident” Micheál Martin, the last man to lead Fianna Fail deep in a huddle with Smoked Salmon Canape & Reisling leader Eamon Gilmorefortaoiseach

SAFE TO WATCH TELLY AGAIN – Final 3 Way Debate Concludes

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

RTE wundermilf Miriam O’Callaghan pictured in the Primetime studio with the three party leaders ahead of last night’s final televised 3 way debate

The three main party leaders last night clashed on banks, the economy and the health service in the final leaders’ debate which was hosted by RTE wundermilf Miriam O’Callaghan.

Fianna Fáil leader Larry accused Fine Gael’s Moe and Labour leader Curly of seeking to conceal the pain their policies would cause.

However, Moe and Curly turned their fire on Larry saying “Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo” and “C’mere you! Why I oughtta..”.

The debate was predictably dominated by banking and the economy.
Both opposition stooges said the Government had done a bad deal with the EU and the IMF and botched the bank guarantee.

Larry insisted his Government’s actions had been endorsed by both Abbot and Costello as well as most of the speaking members of the Marx Brothers.

The differences between Fine Gael and Labour on cutting public sector numbers and reforming the health services were evident but the slapstick was cordial.

The Little Tramp or “voters” as they are more commonly known will have their chance to vote for a Laurel & Hardy government on Friday. This follows consistent warnings of late by Curly of the dangers of a Laurel minority government.

Leaders’ Debate on The Frontline (Broadcast on 4fm 15.02.2011)

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 15th 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.



Vincent Browne Sketch (Broadcast on 4fm 14.02.2011)

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

In which Vincent Browne crosses sighs with Joe Higgins, Micheál Martin and Terry Prone.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 14th 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.





Mubarak Finally Steps Down – Micheál Martin Considering His Position

Friday, February 11th, 2011

Hosni Mubarak pictured in The Tap Bar in Tullamore enjoying a pint “I’m finally able to look at things” he says

DATELINE EGYPTANIA.: Hosni Mubarak, the second least popular politician of 2011, has finally stepped down prompting a wave of celebrations across Egypt and causing Micheál Martin to reflexively consider standing as his replacement.

A stoic Mr Mubarak went to himself earlier today and formally asked himself to dissolve his government. He then travelled to The Tap Bar in Tullamore to “spend time with loyal friends”.

Mr Mubarak moved fellow drinkers with his heartfelt rendition of The Pyramids of Ponchartrain before livening up his audience with a series of razor sharp impressions of Anwar Sadat, Lawrence of Arabia and golfer Padraig Harrington.

Martin Steps Out Of Shower

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

“It Was Just A Dream” He Tells Shocked Electorate

Micheal Martin In Shower

Micheál Martin has not been part of a disasterous Fianna Fáil government tainted by accusations of corrupt cronyism, but was just showering. The shock revelation came at a Fianna Fáil press conference where Martin lucnhed the party’s proposals for reform.

“Imaginary, Dream Fianna Fáil were a terrible crowd,” admitted Martin, “Thankfully I’m out of the shower now, fragrant and real and I mean reformy business”.

“Selective In Our Audience”

The Fianna Fáil leader revealed that his party was on course to vastly improve the quality of the people voting for it, by deliberately slashing their numbers. “Although we will have far fewer seats, they will be of a very high standard, with possibly 80% more seaty goodness in each one. The days are gone when a Fianna Fáil TD could expect to represent any old constituent. Now we will be selecting only a few hand-picked constitutents to represent.”


Fianna Fail has now pledged to abolish the Seanad. “The Seanad typifies the sort of political patronage and cronyism indulged in by Dream Fianna Fáil, with which I have nothing to do,” explained Martin. “Now that we’ll be appointing the cabinet randomly from our special friends, we simply don’t need the Seanad anymore”.

“Not That Payment”

Fianna Fáil also pledged to end huge payments for ministers after they have left their ministerial post. However Mr. Martin’s payment of about €90,000 as a former minister will not be affected, since it was given to Dream Micheál Martin and not the real showering one while we were all asleep.