Ireland “Ireland” – Noonan

Tuesday, March 13th, 2012

Minister for Honours Maths Michael Noonan reading the 2008 Leaving Cert Maths (Ordinary) paper set by his predecessor Mr Cromwell

Parents of Junior Certificate geography students today thanked Michael Noonan for clearing up any lingering confusion that Ireland may be the much larger mediterranean country Spain. Mr Noonan’s statement comes hot on the heels of recent assertions made by the Tainiste and Minister for Geography (Common Level) Eamon Gilmore to the effect that Ireland is neither Portugal nor Greece.

Asked why the Minister for Honours Maths was providing study notes for a class other than his own Mister Noonan explained that the Tainiste was on an in service training day along with some other staff members.

There will be no P.E. for the next two weeks as Mister Vaginar the Minister for P.E. and The Bus has a pulled junket which has to be treated in England. A full list of all classes to be affected by the St Patrick’s Day holiday will be sent home in satchels this week.

Hey There Handsome! Ireland Is Open For Business

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

IRELAND IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS....what that really means

Yanks send your bombers; Brits send your hens. Big corporation? Cruising for a bit of “double Irish”? European? Into treaty-play? We mean no until you make us mean yes. Bankers? Bailouts? We’re in! Fancy a troika? We’ll do everything except Greek…

Perfect Day (Broadcast on 4fm 05.04.11)

Tuesday, April 5th, 2011

This eight week run of The Emergency on 4fm concludes with Enda Kenny, Michael Noonan, Joan Burton & Eamon Gilmore suffering another dreadful day in the office and reminiscing about that lovely day just a few short weeks ago when they went to visit “that nice lady who lives near the zoo…”

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Post Stress Test Disorder (Broadcast on 4fm 01.04.11)

Friday, April 1st, 2011

The Taoiseach and the Minister for Finance seek to reassure the Irish people in the wake of the devastating results of the stress tests on the Irish banks.

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Enda Kenny And The Dáil Sing “What I Want” (Broadcast on 4fm 28.03.11)

Monday, March 28th, 2011

Prompted by a question to the Taoiseach from Sinn Féin Leader, Gerry Adams, Enda Kenny is joined by Michael, Noonan, Micheál Martin, Eamon Gilmore, Joe Higgins, Luke Ming Flanagan and eventually by everybody as the Dáil descends into song.

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Extreme Negotiation (Broadcast on 4fm 24.03.11)

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

In which Enda Kenny, Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy get down to some serious negotiation. Someone gets hurt.
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Roleplay On The Government Jet (Broadcast on 4fm 23.03.11)

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

In which Michael Noonan seeks to assist Enda Kenny’s negotiation technique by playing the role of a small French man.
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The Gaddafi Manoeuvre (Broadcast on 4fm 22.03.11)

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

In which Michael Noonan seeks to use Gerry Adams’ specialist knowledge of Libya to take advantage of Col. Gadaffi’s current unpleasantness.
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Morning Call (Broadcast on 4fm 21.03.11)

Monday, March 21st, 2011

In which a jet-lagged and somewhat confused Enda Kenny arrives home from Washington and wakes up Michael Noonan.
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Enda Goes To Washington Part 1 (Broadcast on 4fm 15.03.11)

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

In which Michael Noonan helps Enda pack for his St. Patrick’s Day trip to Washington and briefs him on some vital points of Ireland-US diplomacy.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on March 15th 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.