READ THE EXCITING NEW SERIALISATION Following the adventures of a group of privileged girls from Oireachtais School who help the other Fourth Raters to ruin it all, until…(serial to run only one week)
An artist’s impression of the grim fate awaiting Nell at the hands of Mighty Jabba the Health
Lawyers acting for Mighty Jabba the Health have been commanded to “Crush Newstalk into the ground and have Tom Dunne frozen in carbonite” according to sources today. The decree follows an interview given by colourful street character and media whore Nell McCafferty on the Tom Dunne show during which somebody forgot what faders are put on mixing desks for.
It is not yet clear what Mighty Jabba’s plans are for ‘outspoken’ ‘journalist’ and writer on shouty issues Nell McCafferty, although health insiders who spoke off the record to reporters hinted that she may be in for a stint as a dancer in Mighty Jabba’s palace prior to being fed to the sar’laak -
“Or she may be sentenced to being treated at a HSE run centre for excellence – whichever is deemed to be the most painfully fatal” said Dr See Threepio a HSE spokesdroid
In an interview which was prerecorded and subject to a 10 second delay, Professor Brendan Drumm also stated that the Tallaght Hospital X-Ray controversy was nothing to do with the HSE
Professor Brendan Drumm
“Just one more tiny little wafer thin voter’s paypacket…?”
Emergency Commercial Feature
In these uncertain times, when you can’t be sure of your future, your job, or even a correct diagnosis, isn’t it good to know that some things never change? Little things, like Harney’s Simple Explanation
The Minster for Health, Mary Harney, has called for a ban on sunbeds because they are a cause of cancer. This would be the start of a raft of measures, with all causes of cancer eventually being banned including mobile phones, plywood, vasectomy, diet cola, red meat & alcohol, x-ray machines, tobacco, kryptonite and The Cancer Pixies.
Asked if her enthusiasm for the battle against cancer would extend to preventing cervical cancer by providing an inexpensive vaccine for young women in Ireland, the minister began to look teary and a bit cross and everyone quietly left.
