Vibrant new faces promoted to the front bench as a temporary measure: “Sherr w’ll shee how they doo arragh” Mr Cowen growled from just under his barstool last night in between songs for the pol corrs
Four Cowen loyalist Cabinet Ministers resigned last night ahead of a reshuffle planned by the acting Taoiseach.
The move is designed to enable Mr Cowen thwart efforts by the country to make his government leave office without everyone in the Fianna Fail parliamentary party “having had a go”.
Health Hutt Mighty Jabba the Health, Minister for Blasphemy and Injustice Ayatollah Ahern, Transport supremo Noel Brokeback Roadway and Minister for Defending the Indefensible Tony Killemlads gave their letters of resignation to the acting Taoiseach late last night.
A ‘Government’ statement said that in accordance with the Constitution the Taoiseach will submit these letters of resignation to the President with a slurred and mildly sullen recommendation that they be accepted. All of the Ministers who resigned have announced that they do not intend to contest the forthcoming election citing reasons such as ill health, spending more time with family, no longer giving a toss and being a sociopath who wants to live well on a fat pension.
With the resignation of Mehole Martin on Tuesday night, Mr Cowen now has five cabinet vacancies to fill but luckily has the widest choice of complete bastards the country has seen since the days of the Black and Tans to choose from. The only real worry would be if he acquiesces to demands that his Finance Minister Brian Óg Lenihan ‘of the emphatic stare‘ be allowed count the number of vacancies – a course of action which could see the number of empty positions jump wildly from five to seventeen million in a matter of minutes.
The appointment of the new Ministers is expected to take place in the next day or two unless Mr Cowen’s temporary appointees work out better than expected.