The German Greens Celebrate (Broadcast on 4fm 29.03.11)

Tuesday, March 29th, 2011

Following successfully contesting state elections, the German Greens are having a party. All is Teutonic mirth until their Irish colleague, the rather less victorious John Gormley, calls and wrecks their buzz…

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Green Party Holds First Post Election Meeting

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

The John Redmond Memorial Phone Box where the Irish Parliamentary Party and Progressive Democrats held their historic final post election meetings, venue for today’s Fairtrade Eco-sensitive, dolphin-friendly wake for “The Green Party”. Family only. No lentils. Charitable donations to the Home For Bewildered Ex Dublin Mid-West TDs

Enda’s Fairy Tale Bouncy Castle (Broadcast on 4fm 02.03.11)

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

In which the handsome Prince Enda and his Fairy Godmother Noony discuss a bride-to-be upon an enchanted bouncy castle.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on March 2nd 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.




Enda & Eamon Do A Deal (Broadcast on 4fm 22.02.2011)

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

In which Eamon Gilmore calls to Enda’s house for tea and negotiation.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 22nd 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.




The Class Of Inbred Gobshite Always Running For The Dail – GE2011 Update (Broadcast on 4fm 16.02.2011)

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

This song was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 16th 2011. It’s a new recording and the lyrics are updated for the General election 2011 from the original version elsewhere on this site. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.





Renewing Ireland

Friday, February 4th, 2011

Small Woodland Creatures Pull Out Of Burning Forest

Monday, January 24th, 2011

At a press conference held in a smouldering tree stump yesterday The Small Woodland Creatures Party announced that it was pulling out of the blazing forest. The Small Woodland Creature party has been part of the Bonfire Of Doom government since they historically agreed with the Shitting Bear Party to enter into a coalition and to provide kindling and a match to get the fire going following the last general election.

Eamon Weasel and John Pine Marten

Eamon Weasel and Small Woodland Creature Leader John Pine Marten

Small Furry Animal With Responsibility for Glowing Embers, Eamon Weasel, urged other larger animals and birdies to work together to ensure that the undergrowth in the forest was completely incinerated before handing over the forest to somebody who wants to grow things there.

Leader of the Small Woodland Creatures, John Pine Marten said “Our patience has run out and our fur is burny and hurty. Enough is enough, it is time this inferno ends. We want to go to the country immediately. There is no reason for us not to, bus fares are reasonable and you can get great deals in fire-damaged hotels in Connemara”.

Gormley: “We’re Not Sherlock Holmes, We’re Matlock”

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

The leader of the Green Party has said that the party can find no evidence of wrongdoing in the reports about a golf game between Acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen and loveable niblick-wielder Seanie FitzPatrick.

John Matlock and Dan Gormley

Crime-figting nonogenerian John Gormley and radical political activist Dan Matlock

Mr. Gormley said he has asked the Department of Finance whether Fitzpatrick made any representations to it on behalf of Anglo and had been told that he did not. “That’s good enough for me, I can only go on what I’m told,” he explained at a press-speaking-at event earlier today. “I’m not Sherlock Holmes. I don’t smoke a pipe for one thing. Matlock. Yes, that’s it. I’m like a sort of Matlock character. Without the violence. And the uncovering of the truth.”

From Golf Balls…To None

Monday, January 10th, 2011


JOHN GORMLEY’S BALLS: Last seen up a lamp post in Ranelagh

Gardai are appealing to members of the general public following the disappearance (complete absence) of John Gormley’s testes. The missing nads are part of a haul of missing stones belonging to several members of the Green Party.

Party spokesfool Senator Dan Boyle has pointed out that an absence of rocks shouldn’t affect the party overmuch, indicating that while many Greens lack balls, there are still enough complete pricks to keep them going.

Paul Gogarty was unavailable for comment.

Brave Greens Battle For Key Legislation Much To Delight Of Electorate

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

The Green Party, which showed immense courage in pulling the plug on the government and precipitating a general election (subject to the passing of the recent budget and a wee break for Christmas) has once again endeared itself to the electorate by insisting that certain legislation be passed before they actually withdraw from government.

There was loud cheering in the streets of Ireland today as it emerged that due to the necessity of passing certain legislation, a general election may not mow be held until March 2011 or even later. “Thank God for the Green Party”, said Waterford mother Mary O’Toole earlier today, cheerily fishing her youngest from a nearby bin. “Id be fierce worried that if they don’t get the Climate Change Bill through it’s be dreadful bad scavenging weather in these parts going forward, and we need them waste levies so people don’t throw out so much stuff and the food is easier to find in the bottom of the bins”.

A Child Celebrates The Postponement Of A General Election In Waterford

A Child Celebrates The Postponement Of A General Election In Waterford

The Green Party also wants legislation on corporate donations to politicians passed before they heroically give the country a chance to elect a new government. “No fecker is ever giving us a penny again,” said a spokesgreen, “and we’re buggered if anyone else is getting anything either”.