Bin Martin’s Cave (Broadcast on 4fm 11.03.11)

Friday, March 11th, 2011

“Deep in a cave somewhere in The Galtee Mountains the once powerful warlord Onama Bin Martin, gathers the remnants of his raggle-taggle army around him…”
Read more »

Play

Enda & Eamon’s Honeymoon (Broadcast on 4fm 08.03.11)

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

In which the entire duration of Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore’s honeymoon is covered in real time.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on March 8th 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.

 

 

Play

The Oscars (Broadcast on 4fm 28.02.2011)

Monday, February 28th, 2011

In which the party leaders each receive an Oscar nomination.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 28 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.

 

 

Play

Election Coverage Broadcast Moratorium

Friday, February 25th, 2011

In which The Emergency has installed a warning and cut-off device to prevent accidental breaking of the Election Coverage Broadcast Moratorium.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and possibly broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 24th 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.

 

 

Play

Enda & Eamon Do A Deal (Broadcast on 4fm 22.02.2011)

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

In which Eamon Gilmore calls to Enda’s house for tea and negotiation.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 22nd 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.

 

 

Play

Labour: No Transfers, Many Pipes

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

Labour Leader Eamon Gilmore, who is trying to become a Taoiseach, has said Fine Gael can stick there transfer pattern up level three their amusing online game.

Gilmore explained: “Fine Gael have called us a ‘High Tax Party’ for two weeks and we aren’t a High Tax Party. We are a Fair Tax Party. A fair Amount Of Tx is completely different to A High Amount Of Tax”.

Eamon Gilmore Tri Cheile Poster

Gilmore: Confusion

There has been some confusion over Labour’s position on water taxes, but Gilore says this is “only because we keep changing our mind about it”. The Labour Leader is on record as saying there are five pipes going into every house and the water pipe is the only one not charged for. this has caused some confusion among senior Labour TDs, some of whom have additional unmetered “Merlot” and “Chablis” pipes.

Mr Gilmore has accused Fine Gael of “starting the negative campaigning”.He also promised a more positive approach in the last days of the election campaign. “We will be clear about our policy, which is that Fine Gael are really crap,” he quipped.

Labour has largely replaced its “Gilmore For Taoiseach” posters with alternatives including “Gilmore FTW”, “Gilmore For A Bit” and the utterly mystifying “Trí Chéile” (pictured above).

Enda’s Bedtime (Broadcast on 4fm 21.02.2011)

Monday, February 21st, 2011

In which Michael Noonan tucks Enda Kenny up for the night safely… But is he really safe?

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 21st 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.

 

 

Play

George Hook And Mary Lou McDonald (Broadcast on 4fm 18.02.11)

Friday, February 18th, 2011

In which Sinn Féin candidate Mary Lou McDonald feels treated unfairly by George Hook.

This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on Feb 18th 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.

 

 

Play

Gilmore Warns Of Dangers of “Stealthy Gaelsreich”

Thursday, February 17th, 2011
Gilmore and Pike

Gilmore: "Pike"

Labour leader Eamon Gilmore warned voters of the dangers of handing an overall majority in the next Dáil to Fine Gael, claiming that his FG opponents were planning “A thousand year Gaelsreich of stealth taxes”.

Enda: Yoink

Enda: Yoink

Speaking in English, Irish and Breton, Mr. Gilmore claimed that, in power, Fine Gael would “sneak up on you from behind and then: ‘Yoink’ would go your money. That’s not the Labour way. We’ll come straight at you with a pike, cudgel or pitchfork”.

Enda Kenny, the most leader-like member of Fine Gael (a loose affiliatin of people not in Fianna Fáil) denied Mr Gilmore’s claims that there is a €5 billion “black hole” in his fiscal plans. “Fine Gael has a dedicated team of astrophysicists at work on our financial plans and they have assured me that at worst we might have a white dwarf, or possibly a vortex. We’re not sure about the vortex. It might just be a collection of Alan Shatter’s poetry.”

Shatter

Shatter: Poems

An End To Alphabetical Differences In Irish Politics On Horizon

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Fine Gael leader Edna Kenny (Mrs) striding around the capital as his party shows a surge among the key conservative/misanthropic/complete/bastard demographic

Mainstream media outlets are today heralding the inevitable dawn of a Fine Gael minority government which will bring about the end of a tussle over power and the correct Irish spelling of “Right Wing Swine” which has been raging since the Civil War.

This is without doubt the preferred option of benign tax exiles such as the richest man in Malta communications czar Wiggy O’Brien, and the international financier and mustache enthusiast Dermot Desmond – the latter of whom recently outlined his roadmap for the eventual privatisation of Ireland. Mr Desmond has in the past had other brilliant ideas of immense benefit to Ireland, chief among which were the IFSC and bankrolling loveable Kinsealy crim Charles J. Haughey.