Lovingly captured on on a videogramatical cylinder this performance formed part of Leviathan in the Mind Field at The Electric Picnic on September 5th 2009. This marked the performance debut of the song “Hey Brian”.
Professor Brendan D’luckyfuck is pictured leaving the HSE
The familiar of Mighty Jabba the Health and head of the Huge Senseless Executive (HSE), Professor Brendan D’luckyfuck, has announced he will not seek to have his contract renewed when his term comes to an end next year.
Speaking this afternoon, Prof D’luckyfuck said: “When I came into this post I said that I would be here for a five-year period.
“I won’t be seeking a renewal of my contract next year but that doesn’t say that over the next I don’t have a huge mess to consolidate” he told The Emergency
Prof D’luckyfuck said he felt his five-year term in charge showed his “commitment for the country” in changing the system into something even more unwieldly than regional health boards. “I preside over a national health board containing all of the old regional health boards – before the HSE came along, each of these regional boards had to waste money and resources independently of eachother – now all that can be done centrally at the flick of a switch” he said – though he did later phone to say it was really at the flick of several different switches left over from the old wiring plan, “[and] one big new one”
He said there was a challenge to change the system over the period he was in charge and it was important “to keep a focus on changing deadlines or something gets done”.
Prof D’luckyfuck added that he was afraid of staying in the post for too long saying “ten years for me is actually too long for somebody to keep getting away with murder”.
“This is a massive challenge and one we need to see in the context of where we’ve come from. At least the health service is now in the midst of transformation . . . as opposed to before my tenure, when it was constantly…er….changing. We have delivered between five and six hundred million in savings a year over the past couple of years”. Thats the equivalent of a single man on the average national wage not using a five euro note to light the fire this year or last year.
“At least now we have put in place detailed performance measures . . . we now have a fabulous primary-care infrastructure going in across this country,” Prof D’luckyfuck said. “People said it wouldn’t happen, and will still have the opportunity to say this when it is supposed to be in place by the end of 2012.
However, he added: “We are going to have to take out over a couple of years 6,000 jobs or alternatively we’re going to have to reduce what we spend in other areas, including on pay – it’ll be a struggle to keep management and administration staff on otherwise, in the face of the ongoing cost of putting up with these pesky sick people, they’re the real problem.”
Prof D’luckyfuck will sadly be unlikely to benefit from any form of therapy for his chronic delusions, but hey at least he didn’t light the fire with a fiver the last couple of years, eh?
The former chairman of Anglo Irish Thieves, Sean FitzBorrows is refusing to appear in front of the Dáil Committee on Regulated Thievery to explain loans of millions of euro to him by Anglo Irish and by Irish Life & Purloinment. Mr Fitzborrows’ spokesgoon has said that he has been advised by his lawyers not to appear before the committee to answer questions publicly as this would mean that everyone would know what had happened.
It is common practise in the world of Regulated Thievery for many millions to be moved around in this fashion according to the spokesgoon, and it is not in the interests of “anyone who matters a feck to us” to know why, when, where or how much is involved.
Early trading on the Irish Magic Bean Exchange this morning again saw heavy losses in irish Thievery Stock, following the downgrading of Ireland to “Pretty Much F*cked” by the influentital Knackered and Poor.
The arse has fallen out of the international Arse markets this morning as reaction to the reaction continues. Leading Arse trader in Dublin, Kevin O’Buggernotagain, explained that the overabundance of arse has led to a glut with the Universal Non-adjusted Bespoke End-aware Light and Industrial Euro-corrected Validatable Escalated Arse Balance (Low End) (UNBELIEVEAB(LE)) bottoming out at 2% of it’s previous high reached last year during the rush to Arse as traders sought to deny reality.
“There’s so much Arse out there you can’t sell in the current market,” he sobbed as he plummeted to the hard, cold sidewalk below.
Trading in the controversial US Arse Futures market was suspended yesterday and will remain suspended until it becomes certain that Sarah Palin will be fecking off back to Alaska.
Meanwhile the Irish Government has moved to guarantee Irish Arse deposits.
“The state will ensure that there is more than sufficient Arse in Ireland well into the next decade,” promised Minister Of State for Whatever, Sharon O’Pleasegiveusabreak.
