Basset Calls For Ireland To Leave EU

Monday, July 3rd, 2017


A former confection, dog breed and Irish Ambassador to Canada has called on Ireland to consider leaving the EU. Ray Basset has pointed out that the bulk of Ireland’s trade is with Queen Elizabeth the First. Significant amounts of oak have this year gone into the building of the Queen’s navy.

Basset has urged the Irish government to take advantage of Brexit by following Britain out of the EU. Ireland would then find itself in a position to negotiate the best possible deal for itself, just as Britain is expected to do in the next couple of days.

“Let’s face it”, panted Basset when interviewed during walkies earlier this evening, “It would be much better for Ireland and Britain to be part of a shared economy, a sort of Common Wealth, if you will. God Save the Queen. Squirrel. Arf!”

Kenny Receives Honour

Thursday, October 25th, 2012


Grown men and Pat Kenny wept openly yesterday as Taoiseach Edna Kenny (Mrs) was awarded an Iron Cross by VDZ, a German media group.

The award comes with an extra meaty pouch of Pedigree Chum and a special tickle under the chin.

Mrs Kenny can now look forward to a particularly easy run in to the Children’s Rights To Pay Someone Else’s Debts Referrendum and the forthcoming strap on budget.

Ireland “Ireland” – Noonan

Tuesday, March 13th, 2012

Minister for Honours Maths Michael Noonan reading the 2008 Leaving Cert Maths (Ordinary) paper set by his predecessor Mr Cromwell

Parents of Junior Certificate geography students today thanked Michael Noonan for clearing up any lingering confusion that Ireland may be the much larger mediterranean country Spain. Mr Noonan’s statement comes hot on the heels of recent assertions made by the Tainiste and Minister for Geography (Common Level) Eamon Gilmore to the effect that Ireland is neither Portugal nor Greece.

Asked why the Minister for Honours Maths was providing study notes for a class other than his own Mister Noonan explained that the Tainiste was on an in service training day along with some other staff members.

There will be no P.E. for the next two weeks as Mister Vaginar the Minister for P.E. and The Bus has a pulled junket which has to be treated in England. A full list of all classes to be affected by the St Patrick’s Day holiday will be sent home in satchels this week.

Franco-German Performance Artist’s Special Delivery

Friday, February 10th, 2012

A leading Franco-German performance artiste has delivered a sculptural representation of Ireland’s financial liabilities for the next year near government buildings in Dublin.

The artist Merkozy, known variously as “l’agresseur peu” and “Die Zukunft Dieb” has spent weeks carefully crafting the piece. Described as “…a physical manifestation of your country’s indebtedness to your bettors [sic?]” the sculpture is called Non Comestibles Bon Bon (The Inedible Sweetie)

A press release from the artist which accompanies the installation states: “Zut! Votre peasantry will never starve eating this delectable granite sweet meat, mais non?” a second entry with hand drawn eagles and lightning strikes suggests “Ya! Let the leftists try to eat it first. Then your elderly and so on in that manner until ENJOYMENT they will learn to take from their struggle nein?”

The sculpture will be guarded by Mr Merkozy’s pet Taoiseach Fido Kenny assisted by Finance Sinister and well known investor Michael Noonan.

Le Non Comestible Bon Bon being delivered earlier today

Kenny And Sarkozy – A Meeting Of Minds

Friday, June 24th, 2011
Ireland is saved!.....for dessert

Ireland is saved!.....for dessert

Hey There Handsome! Ireland Is Open For Business

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

IRELAND IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS....what that really means

Yanks send your bombers; Brits send your hens. Big corporation? Cruising for a bit of “double Irish”? European? Into treaty-play? We mean no until you make us mean yes. Bankers? Bailouts? We’re in! Fancy a troika? We’ll do everything except Greek…

Grand Bank Nationalisation (Broadcast on 4fm 04.04.11)

Tuesday, April 5th, 2011

The runners and riders line up for The 2011 Grand Bank Nationalisation, the Peter O’Sullivans are all in position round the course… and they’re off!!! “Over to you, Peter…!”

Read more »


Post Stress Test Disorder (Broadcast on 4fm 01.04.11)

Friday, April 1st, 2011

The Taoiseach and the Minister for Finance seek to reassure the Irish people in the wake of the devastating results of the stress tests on the Irish banks.

Read more »


Extreme Negotiation (Broadcast on 4fm 24.03.11)

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

In which Enda Kenny, Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy get down to some serious negotiation. Someone gets hurt.
Read more »


Roleplay On The Government Jet (Broadcast on 4fm 23.03.11)

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

In which Michael Noonan seeks to assist Enda Kenny’s negotiation technique by playing the role of a small French man.
Read more »