This eight week run of The Emergency on 4fm concludes with Enda Kenny, Michael Noonan, Joan Burton & Eamon Gilmore suffering another dreadful day in the office and reminiscing about that lovely day just a few short weeks ago when they went to visit “that nice lady who lives near the zoo…”
The Taoiseach and the Minister for Finance seek to reassure the Irish people in the wake of the devastating results of the stress tests on the Irish banks.
Prompted by a question to the Taoiseach from Sinn Féin Leader, Gerry Adams, Enda Kenny is joined by Michael, Noonan, Micheál Martin, Eamon Gilmore, Joe Higgins, Luke Ming Flanagan and eventually by everybody as the Dáil descends into song.
In which Enda Kenny, Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy get down to some serious negotiation. Someone gets hurt.
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In which Michael Noonan seeks to assist Enda Kenny’s negotiation technique by playing the role of a small French man.
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In which a jet-lagged and somewhat confused Enda Kenny arrives home from Washington and wakes up Michael Noonan.
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In which Enda Kenny comes under pressure from Obama to repeat a joke for which he is famous with unfortunate consequences.
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The European Commissioner for Taxation has launched proposals for a creative cunning company-creaming common consolidated corporate tax base (CCCCCCCTB). The idea is to reduce costs for foreign multi-nationals who would only have to fill in one tax return instead of up to 27 and to cut down on administrative overheads for individual EU states who would be “spared the bother of counting all those dollars”.
Ireland's Projected Corporate Tax Take Under The New Proposal
Commissioner Algirdas Givemetax explained that corporate tax would be gathered at EU level and then divided up amionst member states using a terribly clever formula taking into account such factors as:
Taoiseach Enda Kenny said he would engage with the commission in discussion on the proposed CCCCCCCTB, but that he suspected this was a way of reducing Irish corporate tax rates by the back door.
“I am pledged to safeguard Ireland’s back door,” said Mr. Kenny as he was redirected to the correct gate for departure to Washington earlier today. “Enda Kenny’s not about to let Europe in this country’s tradesman’s entrance. That stable door has been bolted against the horses of eurocratic tyranny”.
The Taoiseach had tears in his eyes as he spoke. This later turned out to be due not to emotion or patriotism, but to an abrasion to the scalp received when being carried shoulder-high by four Mayomen through pre-flight immigration.
In which Michael Noonan helps Enda pack for his St. Patrick’s Day trip to Washington and briefs him on some vital points of Ireland-US diplomacy.
This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on March 15th 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.
The Emergency is broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm in association with 11890 Directory Enquiries every weekday on The David Harvey Show (9-11am) and repeated on The Home Run with Brian McColl after 4pm.
Podcast
All audio content on The Emergency site, including pieces first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm in association with 11890 Directory Enquiries, is available as a podcast:
Feed URL: http://www.theemergency.ie/feed/podcast/
iTunes (web): http://itunes.apple.com/ie/podcast/id407214620
Subscribe using iTunes app: itms://itunes.apple.com/ie/podcast/id407214620
In which Ming messes with the menu in Dáil Eireann to the detriment of Enda Kenny and Michael Noonan.
Enda Kenny After A Tasty Dail Luncheon
This sketch was written and performed by The Emergency and first broadcast on Timeless Hits 4fm on March 14th 2011. It was recorded at Waveform Studios.
