Thought For Today – from JOE TAYLOR
June 24th, 2011
“Enjoy an lrish holiday without leaving home. Just get into the shower, cold tap only, eat batter burgers and cold wedges with Miwadi. Tune the radio to Liveline and tear up a 50 Euro note every 30 mins….”
June 24th 2011, the Taylorbunker. Dublin
Kenny And Sarkozy – A Meeting Of Minds
June 24th, 2011
Ireland is saved!.....for dessert
Jesus Criticizes “Offensive Church” In His Image
June 23rd, 2011
The popular fictional character from children’s literature Mr Jesus Christ has today launched a scathing attack on the Catholic church, now in it’s second millennia, for cashing in on his image and teachings in an”offensive” way.
Benedict XVI, the 6 Billion Dollar Hermit who chooses to interpret Jesus' teachings of love and poverty by living in the largest and most plush priest hole in history
The church uses Mr Christ’s image and much of his life story in daily and weekly displays of wealth and splendour. It also causes suffering and hardship to victims of it’s crimes of collusion with systemic child abuse supported by a cabal of elderly men led by a German mystic.
Mr Christ, a celebrated victim of oppression and hate crimes said: “Respect for my Word, the Word of God, is neither displayed in the actions of the Catholic church or entwined in their lives.
“It is regrettable and unacceptable that this ‘church’ seeks to continually profit from my story in such an offensive way.”
Cork South Central Fine Gael TD Jerry Buttimer was unavailable for comment.
Recession Over As Fast, Agile Dolphin Gives Nation A Lift
June 21st, 2011
A particularly fast and agile dolphin has raised the beleaguered spirits of the nation. The bottle-nosed male dolphin, has been affectionately dubbed “De Dolphin” by locals in West Cork.
Wee Hop
“De Dolphin” has been spotted by fishermen and people in local pleasure craft swimming “pretty quickly” and even on occasions “giving a little hop up out of de water, like” off the coast of Cork near Kinsale.
Tides
Legendary dolphin “Fungi”, speaking through a translator and 25 foot of water off dingle, has tipped “De Dolphin” to kick on from here and break many of the Kerry veteran’s own records. “for such a young dolphin he really is good at swimming fast. I predict he’ll get faster and faster and may ultimately affect tides and currents worldwide”, he claimed.
Can Swim: De Dolphin
Taoiseach: Snot
Taoiseach Enda Kenny rushed inappropriately to congratulate “De Dolphin”. “When I look at ‘De dolphin’”, he sobbed, “I see not just a talented cetecean but the very embodiment of the Irish people’s beauty of spirit and their determination to overcome every obstacle I and my government place in their path. When ‘De Dolphin’ gives his little hops up out of the water, Ireland rejoices and I cry like a girl until my face dissolves into a raw red snotfest”.
irish?
De Dolphin is originally from Spain, has lived most of his life near Iceland and carries a British passport.
Lagarde To Noonan “Quelle partie de “tu es ma chienne maintenant” pouvez-vous pas comprendre?”
June 20th, 2011
Minister for Insolvency Michael Noonan watches as French finance minister Christine Lagarde shows him the actual violin that President Sarkozy plays whenever anyone talks to him about the Irish Government’s attempts to secure a cut in the interest rate on Ireland’s bailout
- The Emergency Live! @ The Dock Arts Centre, Carrick-on-Shannon, Leitrim
- Carmody & Jones Will Represent The Emergency At The Leviathan Election Count Party In The Sugar Club
- The Emergency's Musical Men Play The Bankers Comedy Club Saturday Jan 22
- The Emergency Live @ Leitrim Laughs Comedy Club, Thursday 14th October
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