“We Don’t Speak English” Boasts Acting Taoiseach Cowen

Acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen has announced a 20-year plan to increase the number of Irish speakers from around 85,000 to 250,000.

Taoiseach Brian Cowen demonstrates the new ministerial novelty fada

Taoiseach Brian Cowen demonstrates the new ministerial novelty fada

“My Government has led by example in this area”, claimed the well known Offaly landmark at Government Buildings yesterday, gamely shouting above festive cries of “Speak English, you rebel bastard!” and “Allez les autres!” from passers-by.

“Although we have not actually increased the amount of Irish spoken”, the Taoiseach-like entity claimed, “we have dramatically decreased the amount of functional or interpetrable English been spoken, thereby creating a linguistic vacuum for the Irish language in the future”

Among measures to increase the number of people speaking Irish, it is being proposed that members of cabinet will wear novelty fadas on their heads when on official business. Additionally all state documents will be made available in ogham, providing a much-needed boost to the ailing rock-notching industry.

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