“Vote Yes” Charm Offensive Announced

martin
Michael Dracula TD the
Minister for Foreign Affairs

Minister for Foreign Affairs Michael Dracula, who has been charged by acting-Taoiseach Brian Cowen with bringing in a definitive “yes” vote on Lisbon II in October, has launched a charm offensive on the voters of Ireland today from his rain lashed Cork city gothic constituency office.

“We’re putting Dick Roche out on the road” Mr Dracula said, “He is an invaluable asset to Fianna Fail as an ongoing leveraged product, and the Yes campaign in general.

Answering questions about the charm offensive, Mr Dracula explained how Mr Roche would be drumming up support for the “yes” camp. “Dick will be sidling up to as many people as he possibly can over the coming weeks and muttering smug reassurances about Ireland’s place in Europe” he said.

Minister Dracula then introduced a beaming Dick to the gathered press – Mr Roche then demonstrated his patter to the throng. “I’ll be mostly saying things like – we can’t afford to turn our backs on the EU at a time like this; apart from anything else the Germans can be very angry and vindictive people…I mean they’re our friends now but….they’ve got a lot of tanks is all I’m saying, you didn’t hear it from me – you know, stuff like that”

Asked if he had any veiled threats regarding the effect of a possible “no” vote on the continuing banking crisis, Mr Roche sucked in air violently through pursed lips, his eyes screwed shut, head shaking mournfully from side to side, before looking up and saying “Armageddon” in a disbelieving whisper. Then, returning to himself he cracked his trademark grin and said “Pretty good eh?”

So brace yourselves voters of Ireland, the offensive charm of Dick Roche is coming to a street near you.

JAPAN ROBO ROACH
Dick Roche TD pictured at the Aer Lingus Young Scientist
of the Year 2008

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