Up To 75% Of TDs May Be “that much of a sociopathic arsehole sober” – Survey

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What we thought TDs were like….


Figures have emerged today that indicate up to three quarters of serving Dáil deputies may be just utterly inept and not routinely jarred as previously thought.

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….What they’re actually like


It has emerged that only 17 deputies out of a random 79 surveyed have admitted to taking a drink prior to debates and votes on legislation.

Leading Dublin city centre barman Simon told The Emergency “Extrapolating from this it is quite clear two thirds of the Dáil are unacceptably low characters despite having no drink taken at all“.

Translated into real terms, this is like expecting 75% of nurses, doctors or bus drivers to be sober at work. A chilling thought.

Pressed for further analysis Simon resolutely folded his copy of The Herald and intoned “”We’re fucked altogether lads is what it is. Fucked entirely”.

The Dáil bar is open 7 days 9am to 7am. Produce proof that your seat has been in the family and your tab is free. Trade only.

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