Thieving Ratbag Will Miss Corrupt Scum

bertie SWAG
Former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern TD

Cagey thieving ratbag and former taoiseach Bertie Ahern today said he had sympathy for cagey thieving ratbag Ceann Comhairle John O’Donoghue, who he claimed, with a straight face, was always reluctant to travel during his time as tourism minister.

“He was a fine embezzler, a fine scumbag, a very hard-spending person and I know dat John O’Donoghue was one of dose people selflessly clocking up airmiles in global first class who was reluctant to travel,” he lied.

“De perception is dat he wanted to be away all de time. Dat is not de case. Its just dat he was, and youse ticks all paid for it”

Mr Ahern, who nominated Mr O’Donoghue for the post of Ceann Comhairle, said he was sorry for his party colleague – coincidentally filthy ratbag Ahern is also sorry for bankers and developers, but is completely without contrition for the massive part that he himself played in the destruction of the State.

“I tink most of the tings dat are down as expenses are tings dat he hadn’t got control over because TDs in general and MaFFiana Fail TDs in particular have a widely misunderstood form of kleptomania. Dey just can’t help demselves…eh…helping….demselves. Dats normal. De costs in question were arranged by udder departments, and udder tings he said sorry about some weeks ago, so I can’t understand why little people are so upset…its only money” he said.

Mr Ahern was speaking in Belfast, where he was crayoning Xs on the flyleaf of copies of his autobiography PS I Done You – My Life As A Parasite.

Mr O’Donoghue faces an uncertain future, and will be forced to survive on the bare minimum of €8000 a month for next couple of years. A charity drive (or general election) in his favour is expected shortly.

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