Taoiseach, Tainiste, Justice Minister Call For Rematch

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The French Ambassador (foreground) pictured in the country’s capital following the floods caused by the French, expressing his Government’s response to demands for a rematch (may they all rot in an American fast food outlet).

As the nation united in frustration and disbelief at the historic injustice dealt them quite literally at the hand of Thierry Henry, Acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen led a phalanx of senior Fianna Fail figures in demanding a rematch; among them Justice Minister Dermot Ahern who told anyone who would listen as long as they had a TV camera that: “The Irish people are demanding that matters are dealt with in an honest and above board manner. This government was elected to see that happen and so help me it will happen”

“It is now clear that Thierry Henry was singlehandedly responsible for the cataclysm that overwhelmed the Irish banking sector suddenly and unexpectedly last year” the acting Taoiseach said, before reminding voters how historically untrustworthy the French are “They ruined our construction sector with their reckless policy of promoting a property bubble. It is for that reason that this coalition has decided to declare immediate all out war against the French”. The war is to be debated by a special Dail sub-committee which will be selected next month and is expected to commence swiftly and decisively sometime in 2011.

The end of America’s love affair with France during the Second Gulf War is remembered as the time when patriotic producers of ‘French Fries’ altered their name to ‘Freedom Fries’ in an effort to distance themselves from “…cheese eating surrender monkeys”. Ireland is proving herself no different. The association representing chippers the length and breadth of the country has issued a statement that “Henceforth, as a mark of our disgust at the French in general, ‘chips’ will now be known as ‘chips’. In addition, Thierry Henry is barred for life”.

The last laugh may rest with the dreaded French however as Tainiste Swearymary Coughlan has revealed that scientists made up by the Department of Trade and Enterprise have been able to trace the severe flooding which has affected the country since wednesday back to the French. “Ach sure its well known they’re all a crowd of rain dancing hand ball touching fuckers so they are” the Tainiste offered in the Dail yesterday

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