Taoiseach Defends Coughlan Gaffe

Taíniste, Minister for Trade & Enterprise and Silver Medal Winner in the Letterkenny Under 9 Spelling Bee Swearymary Coughlan was described this morning by acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen as having his “full support”.

Despite her gaffe filled performance filling in for her leader during Dáil questions yesterday, Mr Cowen has said that he has no intention of demoting his lieutenant. He was speaking from the International Climate Change Conference at the UN in New York where he is busy being mistaken for a comedy drunk waiter by real politicians.

“I want to reassure the people of Ireland that they can continue to sleep safe in the knowledge that the very best of the best are managing the current economic difficulties going forward – now if you’ll excuse me I have to get two bottles of Chablis for Mr Ahmadinejad’s table…eh…. vote yes to Lisbon or we’ll all be killed” the Taoiseach said.

The Taíniste yesterday undermined the implementation of the McCarthy Report telling the Dáil that many of it’s cost saving reccomendations “…don’t make sense”. She also slipped by seeming to suggest an imminent election.

Ms Coughlan, modelling a daring new look suggested by MaFFianna Fail backbenchers, dismissed suggestions that she is out of her depth telling reporters “Mmmmfhh fgggn chhn! Ysddhh mmmhhhh! Fggggn fgg fgg chnnnn hai!”.

Then, using a small piece of charcoal on a pad with her free hand, the Taíniste wrote a message of encouragement to voters reading : Youse pricks better fuckin’ let me the fuck out of this here hai. Sure you’re takin’ it all too serious.

Ms Coughlan signed off her note with her personal political motto: Sit tight, sure this will all blow over in a month.

Taíniste, Minister for Trade & Enterprise and Silver Medal Winner in the Letterkenny Under 9 Spelling Bee Swearymary Coughlan arriving at the Dail today

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