Tanaiste Promotes ‘Smart Economy’

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TANAISTE Swearymary Coughlan, the Enterprise, Trade and Employment Minister, speaking yesterday.

TANAISTE Swearymary Coughlan, the Enterprise, Trade and Employment Minister, yesterday addressed an invited audience of entrepreneurs to promote IDA Ireland’s “aggressive” new campaign to market Ireland abroad telling them that the IDA would be marketing Ireland as the innovation island — “like Einstein explaining his theory of evolution”.

In her dogged determination to promote the “smart economy” Ms Coughlan reminded her audience of the many struggles that Ireland has faced in it’s turbulent history. “When Garret Fitzgerald and Charles Haughey founded this state in 1902, sure fuck it we burrly had an arse in our troosers but that didn’t stop them buckos no hai” she said.

“When Michael Collins perfected space travel, did he do it solo? Without the backing of a sheparding State body? No he did not – he applied to Walt Disney and the mandarins at Cumann Na nGael and recieved backing – allowing him to build his big catapult at Birr Cathedral, where the Hubble Space Telescope stands today as silent monument to his determinnu…detminnn…determinininty….och fuck it he was a stubborn big fucker anyway hai.”

Pausing briefly to make sure that there were enough red smarties left in the bag she clutched in her hand throughout her rousing speech, the Tainiste was handed a piece of paper by her officials, she then solemnly read out the registration number of two cars that were badly parked blocking the exit of the car park. “So youse fuckers with them horseless carriages, and ye know well who ye are, had better move them or ye’ll have somebody’s toe up yer hole so ye will” she quipped, before being coaxed out of the room by an aide waving a copy of the latest ‘Heat’ magazine.

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