Supreme Leader Edna Where-He Declares Ireland “Best Small State in World With a Nuclear Capable Fine Gael”
Fine Gael has said today it had carried out a “successful” hydrogen bomb test, a claim that – if true – massively raises the stakes over the senior coalition partner’s forthcoming Pretendy Election manifesto.
Condemnation was swift with sneaky idealogical twin MaFFianna Fail and new kids on the block The Knights of Renua decrying a gross violation of UN Security Council resolutions and regional county council bye-laws regarding “possession of the Hydrogen Bomb or other WMDs in the run up to a local, General or EU election”
FG defence supremo Simon Ko Veni hailed the announcement as a “…decisive step towards a victory ensuring decades of peace and stability for the corporate sector”, while supreme leader Enda Where-He(?) announced to some drunks with NUJ membership at Buswells: “This, the republic’s first hydrogen bomb test has been successfully performed at 03.30 am Irish time”
“With the perfect success of our historic H-bomb, we Fine Gael, the plucky party of Collins and Cosgrave have joined the rank of advanced nuclear states,” he said, adding that the test was of a miniaturised device.
When pressed for evidence the Supreme Taoiseacheen said that the device was “very very small indeed” and went on to say that “only very intelligent people or those at cabinet level may see it”
He then riffed for a few minutes on the time just yesterday he met a small worried woman in Castlebar who was afraid of the possibility that other political parties or even County Leitrim may have nuclear arsenals of their own.
“I looked her straight in the eye and told her to go in away with herself and not be worrying. Fine Gael stands with the big boys now. This is senior hurling. Eh. That. Really. Did happen….did I tell you about my Five Point Plan?”.