STOP PRESS – Acting Taoiseach Addresses Nation

The acting Taoiseach, who pledged last week to review his socializing, pictured with a constituent

“I am not a Taoiseach on probation” acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen forcefully told reporters at Leinster House this evening, insisting that he has the full support of his party.

As Tom Kitt’s sedated body was taken out a side door in a large canvas sack, Mr Cowen looked confident and sober; a mark of his determination to clean up his act, and only do interviews in the late afternoon before Happy Hour in the Dáil Bar.

Joining him at the press conference the Metaphor For The Economy Brian Lenihan said that everyone who questioned government policy was ruining our image abroad, then said that foreigners didn’t care what happened here. Warming to his delusion, Mr Lenihan insisted that black was white for a full eight minutes before growing sleepy and going for a little nap.

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