Sorry Recession, You’re Back On Hold, TDs Return From Hols!

The Cabinet is to meet later today to discuss what everyone got for Christmas, and the terms of an inquiry into the banking crisis.

Last night acting-Taoiseach Brian Cowen and failed hippie John Gormless met for nearly an hour in Government Buildings to discuss their presents. Mr Cowen was tight lipped about his haul of Christmas gifts but this may be because he is known to have received “tasty looking glue”. It is believed that Mr Gormless got Little Big Planet for Wii but that he has as yet been unable to load it onto his Texas Instruments Speak & Spell

Differences between the coalition partners emerged after Green Party members stressed that they believe any inquiry should not be held behind closed doors. The party is also adamant that the Dáil has to have a role in the inquiry. According to insiders, the differences arose after MaFianna Fail told the Greens that they could “…fuck right off” with themselves.

Party chairman Dan Boyle said last night he believed the Government would opt for a “hybrid” inquiry, with both a private and public phase; like a Toyota Prius which is both good and bad at the same time, or Green TD Paul Gogarty who appears capable of flashes of sanity amidst all the queening and frothing at the mouth.

Minister for Theft Brian Lenihan is to bring a memo to the Cabinet meeting this morning outlining the range of options open to the Government in terms of investigating the circumstances which gave rise to the banking crisis. The headings on the memo for discussion include: Establishing Exactly How Lehmann Brothers Did This Awful Thing To Us All; Who Really Fucked The Economy and; It Wasn’t Us, Honest Injun’, No Way Jose.

Mr Lenihan will outline the proposals in the Dáil this afternoon on its first sitting day four weeks after the end of Christmas term at Hogwarts.

However, the compromise proposal is expected to draw further criticism from the Opposition parties, with a two-day debate commencing on a Labour Party motion calling for a full parliamentary inquiry, and Fine Gael looking desperately for some way to field their perpetual bridesmaid, Edna Kenny.

The “I didn’t do it” kids ready to face the rigours of their inquiry into the economic crash

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One Response to “Sorry Recession, You’re Back On Hold, TDs Return From Hols!”

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