Shatter Blames “Protest Tourism” For Shell Policing Costs, Economic Downturn & Acne

Minister For Justice and leading Victorian gent, Alan Shatter has revealed the high cost of providing Garda protection of the Shell’s Philanthropic Corrib Installation.The minister blamed “Protest Tourism” for the extra €14,500,000 spent on security there in the last six years.

Alan Shatter

Minister For Justice And Leading Victorian Gent, Alan Shatter

“These beatnik rascals are bringing down the country”, said Mr. Shatter (148) of the “Protest Tourists” whom he claimed had cost thecountry dear in terms of inward investment. “How can we expect the international business community to set up shop here in Ireland when this reefer madness is de rigeur”, he asked, “and when occurences of flu and acne are all greater in the Corrib region because of the nomadic machinations of this disaffected bunch of long-haired brigands in their ‘jeans’ and ‘trilby hats’?”.

LEO

Reefer Madness: Minister Varadkar In Favour Of Policing Services For Beatnik Protestors

However a rift in the coalition cabinet appeared to be developing when the Minister For Trains, Trolleys & Tourism, Leo Varadkar, came out in favour of Protest Tourism. “I think Alan was being hasty”, Mr. Varadkar confided to passers-by on the M50 this morning. “The more tourists we have the better. Protest Tourists, Pink Tourists, Bald Tourists… whatevs, dude?”.

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