Schoolboy To Attend ‘Mob Sit Down’

Minister For Transport Eamon Ryan experiences a momentary pang of guilt after setting John Gormley up to attend a ‘normal everyday no risk meeting’ with members of MaFFianna Fail at their social club

Green Party leader and Minister for Smug Pronouncements on the Environment John Gormley is to attend a ‘sit down’ with soldiers from MaFFianna Fáil later on today to clear up what his spokesman called “possible deliberate mis-honesty” concerning new Green legislation.

The meeting with members of the environmental and ‘numbers’ policy group of the MaFFianna Fáil organised crime family is to take place in Leinster House at 3.30pm and any TD who has “made his bones” with “the mob” or who “is a made guy” is eligible to attend.

The leader of the MaFFianna Fáil group is Limerick West member Johnny ‘Gumballs’ Cregan. The member representing Cork South Central Mikey ‘Sing Song’ McGrath, said current Bills on dog breeding and local government planning would be on the agenda at the sit down.

He said there were “significant beefs” with the Dog Breeding Establishments Bill 2009 as its remit extended beyond so-called “puppy farms” to “poysons involved in breedin dawgs and so foyth fer huntin”

Mr ‘Sing Song’ added that there “..ain’t no single boining issue” with the Planning and Development (Amendment) Bill 2009 but MaFFianna goon for Carlow-Kilkenny Bobby “The Cheesecake” Aylward said at the weekend that the Bill implied “all of us involved in local government is gangsters or sumtin”. Mr Aylward said yesterday if he were asked to vote for the dog breeding legislation in its current form the Greens could “Fuggettaboudit”.

A spokesman for Mr Gormley said the Minister and his officials would point out that the two Bills were “very limited” in their application and that any attempt to intimidate him “..by stealing his lunch money or throwing his satchel in a tree or something would be reported”

Mikey ‘Sing Song’ said Green proposals to ban “the thing” would not be discussed at “the other thing” because “the other other thing” was not yet published. However, wiseguys Jackie ‘A Million Caps’ Healy-Rae and Michael ‘Ice House’ Lowry, both of whom support the mob, have indicated concerns.

Mr Healy-Rae said “arragh blongwin semple shtadium corra wonna blan donnn throller arrr”. He said he had “grallin arragh haroooah threnny shwellthraa” the inclusion of the stag hunting ban in the renewed programme for government until contacted by The Emergency yesterday.

Asked if he would vote against the measure, Mr ‘A Million Caps’ declined to answer but said he would discuss the matter “arrrabooovah heen Thubhlin” this afternoon at a meeting with the acting Don’s consigliere Gerry ‘Consigliere’ Steadman and Chief Whip Johnny ‘No Stripes’ Curran.

A spokesman for Mr Lowry said he was unhappy that greyhounds were included in the terms of the Dog Breeding Establishments Bill before coughing theatrically twice and indicating pictures of expensive items in the Argos catalogue that he had circled while winking with his hand out.

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