Scandal As Socialist DNA Uncovered In Labour TDs
Minister For Maintaining The Levels of Damage To The Underclass Joan Burton has angrily denied reports that minute traces of Socialist DNA were identified in routine testing of swabs taken from the seats of Labour front bench TDs.
Unconfirmed reports suggest that the Labour TDs were contaminated by Socialist DNA mixed up in a consignment of sparkling wine to Labour Head Office from Poland.
“Obviously it is a serious matter if TDs labelled “Labour” are found to include Socialist ideals,” Ms. Burton conceded at a hastily arranged conference in a government Austerity Hot-Tub this morning. “The people of Ireland have a right to expect the politics they consume to be as devoid of principle and ideals as possible. The reputation of the Irish Politics Processing industry for producing reliably homogenous and malleable TDs is at stake. Pass the smoked salmon, Alex”, she insisted furiously.
In a separate development over at Labour’s coalition partners’ HQ, Health Minister James Reilly has denied co-ownership of a company which has been accused of attempting to set up a care facility for the elderly in a hollowed-out horse in Swords. Further results from tests being carried out by a horse co-owned by Dr. James Reilly are expected soon after the minister accidentally ate the initial test results at a breakfast meeting.