Red C Poll: Labour Vows To Stay Blameless

The Labour Party has vowed to remain firmly on the sidelines and to continue to “give a voice to the bemused dumbstruck rubbernecking masses at the scene of the Celtic Car Crash” despite slipping back into 3rd place in the recent Red C opinion poll.

Labour has gained enormously in popularity recently with it’s lovable rose logo and radical “name that doesn’t begin with ‘F'” policy.

Labour leader Eamon Gilmore has promised to keep pressure on the government by staring hard at them across the floor of the Dail. “It’s a twin track approach,” explained senior Labour politician Pat “Chuckles” Rabbitte. “Eamon will stare hard in disquieting silence whilst I pop up frequently with my trademark barbed wit. ‘I’d like to ask the minister what he’s doing at home for curtains, or where did he get the tie on him at all’: that sort of a thing”.

Labour has come out strongly in support of jobs and fairness, blind-siding both Fianna Fail and Fine Gael neither of whom is in favour of these.

However Labour has fallen back slightly in the polls this time out, due partly to recent brilliant defence of his economic policies by Brian Cowen, the Acting Taoiseach. Mr Cowen has lashed out at his critics and in a series of astonishing speeches has sought to argue that no other party in government in the last decade has done better than Fianna Fail.

Fianna Fail has also launched attacks on Labour in the media, notably through contributions from leading FF shrieker and perpetual novice wizard Martin Mansergh who has pointed out that Labour Party Policy was impossible to find “unless you ‘download’ it in the ten page ‘document’ from their ‘web site’ – whatever manner of half-breed mugglery that might be”.

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