Recession Over As Fast, Agile Dolphin Gives Nation A Lift

A particularly fast and agile dolphin has raised the beleaguered spirits of the nation. The bottle-nosed male dolphin, has been affectionately dubbed “De Dolphin” by locals in West Cork.

Wee Hop

“De Dolphin” has been spotted by fishermen and people in local pleasure craft swimming “pretty quickly” and even on occasions “giving a little hop up out of de water, like” off the coast of Cork near Kinsale.


Legendary dolphin “Fungi”, speaking through a translator and 25 foot of water off dingle, has tipped “De Dolphin” to kick on from here and break many of the Kerry veteran’s own records. “for such a young dolphin he really is good at swimming fast. I predict he’ll get faster and faster and may ultimately affect tides and currents worldwide”, he claimed.

De Dolphin

Can Swim: De Dolphin

Taoiseach: Snot

Taoiseach Enda Kenny rushed inappropriately to congratulate “De Dolphin”. “When I look at ‘De dolphin'”, he sobbed, “I see not just a talented cetecean but the very embodiment of the Irish people’s beauty of spirit and their determination to overcome every obstacle I and my government place in their path. When ‘De Dolphin’ gives his little hops up out of the water, Ireland rejoices and I cry like a girl until my face dissolves into a raw red snotfest”.


De Dolphin is originally from Spain, has lived most of his life near Iceland and carries a British passport.

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