PRESS RELEASE – From BP Environmental Services

At BP, we’re committed to finding energy sources for our fast moving way of life in some of the most dangerous environments in the world; naturally, as in the case of the current minor oil spillage in the Gulf of Mexico, sometimes things can go a little unexpectedly.

As you are doubtless aware, BP Engineers have moved swiftly and efficiently to siphon off a massive almost 40% of this tiny wayward oil leak with a specially developed BP Great Big Bit Of A Pipe™. It hasn’t all been plain sailing though. Along the way we tried the BP Great Big Concrete Lid™ and the BP Great Big Huge Funnel™, as well as the BP Great Big Cork™, but none of them worked

(artist’s impression 1) How BP will end the misery caused by Icelandic volcano Unpronouncablesdöttïr

In the recent past, it would have been standard practice for us here at BP to dump these non functioning rescue ideas in a sea somewhere. Now, in these ‘Greener’ times we have decided to ‘BPrecycle™’ them. So the BP Great Big Cork™ is on it’s way to pesky old Iceland to put an end to the current disruption to intercontinental air travel (see artist’s impression 1), while the BP Great Big Huge Funnel™ has been modified and adapted and sent to Ireland to mitigate the problems being caused there by an ongoing Roman Catholic prelate (see artist’s impression 2).

We’re doing all this because we care.


(artist’s impression 2) An end to that thundering unrepentant bollocks Cardinal Sean Brady, thanks to BP

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