Popular Drunk Gives Morning Ireland Interview

The brightest and best – delegates at the Fianna Fail ‘think-in’ in Galway pictured this morning at breakfast

Acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen dismissed used a radio interview on the popular RTE press release show Morning Ireland this morning to rubbish suggestions that the Government was “softening up” the electorate by being unclear about cuts in the forthcoming Budget.

Mr Cowen told listeners: “Szzubba fugggn wazza fuggn madder wi’ youse? Fggn krrrmmmn zzzz”

Sobering up briefly he continued “Lezz void worrrrd gamez. Zzzzwe need t’ cud ur deffi…def…defiif….tings dat have gone down in….zzzz wazza wurrd…oh yeah…defizits. The mimminum figure we’re talking abou is tree billun. The Minizter for Nnance is setting out our tent very clearly,” he told RTÉ’s Morning Ireland.

“We llll do whateverzzz necessary t ensuuure figgal zzzstability returns to the cunty ver a priod of time. [belch] It won’t be done overnight! Zzz year’s Budget will not zolve the prblem in any vent whedder it’s tree billun or tree poyn wun billun or tree anna half billun.”

“It is important that pipple understan that for every €5 we [hic] spen, wurr takin in tree in exxx….egg….echh….chequer returns,” he added.

Pressed on whether final cuts could amount to €4 billion, Mr Cowen said “I never liked anny of yousse…youser all fuggers”

The Emergency has now published a handy guide for Taoiseachs who may have a thinking problem: "So – You’ve Had A Bit Too Much To Drink, And You’re In Charge Of The Country And Some Bastard From RTE Is Sticking A Microphone Into Your Face?"

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