Pope Marks Day By Talking Utter Bollox

God’s representative on earth, Pope Twoeggsonamuffin,  announced yesterday that fragments of bone from the first or second century had been found in a tomb in the Basilica of St Paul in Rome.

“This seems to confirm the unanimous and undisputed tradition that these are the mortal remains of the Apostle Paul,” Pope Drenchedinhollandaise said at St Paul’s-Outside-the-Walls, on the eve of the Feasts of St Peter and St Paul celebrated today

It is thought that the pontiff’s infallible judgement on this matter will be backed up by crack forensic theology Cardinals Grissom and Caine at the Vatican’s CSI  (Canonical Shite Inculcation) lab.

“We’ve a-fed the bone into the-a papal photocopier and itta come uppa widda match for St Paul” said Capo  Brassioni of the Upyerswiss Guard.

In other news, economists at the Vatican Bank have taken time off counting pennies from collection boxes and condom factory investments worldwide to issue the findings of their research into the current economic crisis.  Rolling his eyes skyward and intoning deeply Monsignor Tuttiweathi a spokesman for the bank told waiting reporters and two chatemites that: “….. it is expected that any day soon the almighty will save the righteous from the global recession; either with an ark, or some kind of  modified leveraged investment product spread over 25 years….verily”

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