Pope Bypasses God, Calls On Politicians For Climate Change

His Holiness the Pope photographed ‘tripping off his tits’ at Castel Gondolfo earlier this month

An elderly German bigot who would have you believe that his omnipotent imaginary friend created the world from nothingness some 6000 to 600,000 years ago, yesterday called for urgent action to protect the environment, saying that climate change and natural catastrophes threaten basic human rights such as life, food and health.

His Holiness Pope Blofeld XIXM called on “advanced societies” (and him still with the omnipotent imaginary friend already) to adopt “more sober lifestyles”, reducing energy consumption and favouring energy-efficient policies.

Pleas and calls on his omnipotent imaginary friend meanwhile to come to the aid of his ‘children on earth’ have consistently gone unanswered. Many senior Gardai now believe that He may be a carpenter, plumber, or other type of tradesman, used to giving the old “I’ll be around next Tuesday to fix that for you Guv” only to never show up at all.

During Pope Blofeld CXIV’s papacy, the Vatican has been taking steps toward greater environmental sustainability, joining a “reforestation project” aimed at offsetting its “carbon emissions”, and has installed solar cells on the roof of it’s secret missile silos to power it’s underground monorail.

The spritely former Hiterjügender reminded world leaders attending the climate change talks in Copenhagen that;”We can no longer do without a real change of outlook which will result in new life-styles; I will destroy Rio in 9 hours time gentlemen, unless you pay me twenty billion dollars”

Asked to confirm if the Supreme Pontiff was serious, a Vatican spokescardinal, Cardinal Numero Due responded “Yes my child, deadly serious”

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