‘Planet Bertie’ Discovered Within 15 Minutes Of Earth Orbit

Friends in high places?Our picture shows one way to reach ‘Planet Bertie’

‘Planet Bertie’ long believed to be a tale told by the wee fairy folk like the mythical land of Tir Na Nóg has been located by Jamaican scientists. The bonged out boffins report that it is the only place in our galaxy where property prices have started to recover, where peace and prosperity reign, and where Nama is a brilliant and honest idea.

Ja’ Man “Screwy” Bongo, the lead astrophysicist on the research programme told The Emergency that “…she a pretty pretty spot full of sharp suits and brown bags full of currency only one afternoon’s Camberwell Carrot ride away from this sorry place….try it. It’ll help a whole heap man”

Meanwhile formal complaints have been made to the Gardai about rowdy and noisy behaviour by arty types and writers.

It has emerged that the authors of some works of modern classic Irish literature may have engaged in reckless behaviour such as lying through their hoop to advance a dangerously unequal society and forcing tears to influence the electorate prior to elections and referenda. Lousy beatniks…..

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