Pathological Liar To Publish ‘Memoirs’

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Bertie Ahern, the colourful Drumcondra hustler, con artiste and ‘jack of all words, master of none’ has completed his first formally published work of fiction PS I Done You , due on shelves on October 5th – the novel is a reimagining of his years in government as if viewed through the eyes of a committed public servant and patriot intent on the wellbeing of his country’s citizens. The book was formally launched at top Dublin private members club Anglo’s.

“I suppose dat you could say its a bit of a satire in a way I suppose – like Marty Whelan’s Flying Hospital; like them lads” said the cheeky crim beloved of thousands of self serving gombeen men and odious civil war throwbacks.

Bertie says that he is busier now than ever before; “I have to call the News of the World from time to time to get the cheque for dem using my name in their paper….and den dere’s de campaigning for a Yes vote in the Lisbon Treaty which of course I was instrumentalist in negotiating so obviously it can be trusted implicationally…tive…ness”

The former Taoiseach also recently finished a speaking tour of Latin America with his lecture De Miracle Of De Irish Economy – How I Done It. In addition, he is due out in print next year as part of his participation in The Mahon Tribunal Report, a long form collaborative project which has taken several years and several millions of Euro to produce. “I’m very exalted about dat. I have every confidence dat I will be one hundred percent examulated and dat history will show me to be what I am – an ordinary guy who likes ordinary tings. I, I, I, – I never had any money. I don’t have any money”.

Bertie, who received an advance in the region of €400,000 for his memoir is currently a sports columnist, a sitting TD, and is recipient of several ministerial pensions.

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