Orange Order Marches Into The Future

As locals from both sides of the sectarian divide joined bemused tourists in viewing historic displays of intransigence and violence to mark William of Orange’s historic displays of violence and intransigence,  the Orange Order proudly announced a new direction which will propel them forward by at least 60 years – thats almost into the mid 1800s.

Called the OrangeTM iProd, it is a handheld device which contains nearly 4 gigabytes of pro-loyalist media for the modern age.  Head of the noble Order’s new ‘Tachnalagy Wang’, the most Reverend Willie McGates launched the iProd yesterday at the King’s Hall in Belfast.

“Thoss wee devace harr is pocked with cantent so it is hie” he told the reporter from the Banbridge Consumer & Advertiser who was exclusively covering and attending the launch. “Ot’s marvelous so it is – thorrs a nane and a hoff arrr loup of fife and bawdy Lawmbeg drummin te get through – and thots beforr ye get near the fofteen arrr loup of preachers shiting NO SARRANDER! it does a body a wurlld of good hie”.

Asked how easy it was to alter the content on the device, Reverend McGates appeared confused, then hurt, then angry “No!” he screamed, continuing “Ye cannot cheeange the cantent on the iProd! One more step down the road to Curry’s!No! Never! Never! NEVER!” before taking a good bite and chew of a lemon and marching off through a nationalist shopping mall.

The iProd comes in a choice of tangerine, orange, yellowy-red and ‘arrnge’ for people from Limavaddy.  It has a volume control, but it is set to 13/HI and disabled as standard.

(iProd logo & design by TwinDesign for THE EMERGENCY)

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