Retiring TD for Cork East Nedlam O’Keefe
“THE situation has become so bad that an Army coup is a real possibility NUTGOBBLER!!! Spiders! SPIIIIDERRS! THEYRE ALL OVER ME!!.” – so says retiring Fianna Fáil TD Ned O’Keeffe.
The Cork East TD is laying the potential for a coup d’etat on the shoulders of Acting acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen and Minister for 3 Card Monte Brian Lenihan.
“Our political system is going to fail further. The two Brians have made a right mess of the country and I see the real possibility of an Army coup. SHITSPONGE! WALLOP ME! TIT!” he said today to nobody in particular.
“People thought I was mad with all the things I have predicted through the years, but I foresaw the economy collapsing due to lax regulation on building housing estates and unwanted shopping centres – it’s why I voted with government policy. WHALESEX!.”
“Last year people laughed when I foretold the appearance in the skies over Ireland of a giant burning disc, but they weren’t laughing in July sitting out under it EATING BARBEQUED LOBSTER LIKE PIMPS!”
Mr O’Keefe claimed Charlie Haughey would be turning in his grave if he saw what Ireland had become.
“So what if Charlie liked nice women and a few extra nice shirts, and his own private island and defrauding the state and untraceable cash donations and busty newsreaders? He was the best leader we ever had.TYRANNOSAUR FLASKS!! WHICH OF YE STOLE THE MAGIC BUNS???!!”