New Common EU Tax Base Not Welcome At Our Tradesman’s Entrance – Kenny
The European Commissioner for Taxation has launched proposals for a creative cunning company-creaming common consolidated corporate tax base (CCCCCCCTB). The idea is to reduce costs for foreign multi-nationals who would only have to fill in one tax return instead of up to 27 and to cut down on administrative overheads for individual EU states who would be “spared the bother of counting all those dollars”.
Commissioner Algirdas Givemetax explained that corporate tax would be gathered at EU level and then divided up amionst member states using a terribly clever formula taking into account such factors as:
- Representation of a corporation in each state
- Proportion of population in member states speaking German as a first language
- Proportion of popultaion in member states who know all the words La Marseillaise
- Whether or not member states were perceived to have “partied” in the 90s off the back of impoverished Franco-German behemoths
- Degree to which each member state can be described as “Ireland”
Taoiseach Enda Kenny said he would engage with the commission in discussion on the proposed CCCCCCCTB, but that he suspected this was a way of reducing Irish corporate tax rates by the back door.
“I am pledged to safeguard Ireland’s back door,” said Mr. Kenny as he was redirected to the correct gate for departure to Washington earlier today. “Enda Kenny’s not about to let Europe in this country’s tradesman’s entrance. That stable door has been bolted against the horses of eurocratic tyranny”.
The Taoiseach had tears in his eyes as he spoke. This later turned out to be due not to emotion or patriotism, but to an abrasion to the scalp received when being carried shoulder-high by four Mayomen through pre-flight immigration.