Nation’s Anger At Joe Duffy Summer Recess

There is huge anger reported among The Plain People Of Ireland who feel “deserted”, “let down” and “confused” as broadcaster, wit & raconteur Joe Duffy absents himself from the Liveline hotseat for his summer holliers.

Numerous incidents of people having no one to moan to in a crisis were reported throughout the country today and yesterday as Duffy (97) scarpered leaving popular Irish royal, Philip Boucher-Hayes dazed with a microphone and a rotary dial telephone deep in the bowels of the RTE Radio Centre.


Joe Duffy (L) relaxes with Bono & Ali Hewson On Launch Traveling To Roman Abramovich’s Yacht In Tramore Yesterday

Aggie O’Toole (107) from Castlepollard, Co. Westmeath was among the first to suffer as she attempted to ring Joe Duffy to clear up a problem with her guttering. “Me guttering is banjaxed, it’s a disgrace. What do i tell my children and my children’s children who will have to pay for this mess?” she whinged when it became apparent that a beardless presenter was dealing with her call.

Meanwhile avid collector of Eamon Coughlan’s laces, Gerard McDermott of Greater Galway, was fuming when he realised he was left with no avenue, recourse or clue in Mr. Duffy’s absence. McDermott had recently bought what purported to be genuine Coughlan Indoor Laces from the 1983 season. The Chairman Of The Boards broke the world indoor mile record for the third time that season and the laces, which he didn’t use but which it was alleged he might have, fetched a five figure sum in frenzied eBay bidding. However when the laces arrived by post it was immediately apparent from the fluting on the ends that these were a later pair probably not even seen by noted Olympian Coughlan (114).

“With the Dáil not in session and the recent short-sighted banning of paramilitary organisations, my only hope was banging on about this to Joe Duffy,” lamented Mister McDermott. “It’s a poor lookout when I have have to write to Ian O’Doherty in the Irish Independent and hope for the worst. We might as well hand the keys of the country to the feckin’ Queen of England whenever she arrives”.

A spokesbeard for Mr. Duffy sympathised with the Plain People but insisted that constitutionally his client was just some bloke and not actually a human right.

“I hear the people and I feel their pain,” he dissembled smarmily whilst driving his taxi on the Inchicore road, “But Joe is taking a much needed break. He will be back in a matter of weeks and will be prepared to listen to any amount of crapulent victimhood as per usual”.

The Taoiseach Mr. Cowen has confirmed that Joe Duffy is of Systemic Importance to the Irish economy and that if necessary the government will step in to pay his wages.

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