Minister Claims St Patrick To Pay Dole With Magic Snake

A senior civil servant at The Department Of Social & Family Disintegration yesterday told a Dáil committee that the money for the dole is “running out”. This appears to be a direct result of the governments recent “high unemployment” strategy, which the government says will eventually produce “a resource in terms of quality biological trans-national trasitationary assets”.

When this goal is achieved, government experts say the cost of unemployment will be offset when the people in question “piss off”. However unemployment is increasing beyond expectations and will reach 600,000 roughly twice as fast as is now thought.

However the Minister for Social & Family Disintegration, Mary Hasafin, denies that there’s a problem. Speaking to us through the bars of our protective cage, Ms. Hasafin said: “Although the money in the National Dole Kitty is going to run out twelve years earlier than expected, this will simply be solved by the exchequer bridging the gap. And in the event of the exchequer being short, Saint Patrick will bridge the gap with his magic golden snake”.

Ms. Hasafin explained that the patron saint of Ireland has personally assured her in an email (or “vision” as she trermed it) that he will “use his mighty goldie snake of plenty to magic us the extra funds”.

Opposition politicians have ridiculed this approach and Fine Gael have explicitly pledged to replace the St Patrick policy with one based on “sound financial judgement and magic beans”.

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One Response to “Minister Claims St Patrick To Pay Dole With Magic Snake”

  1. Póló Says:

    Perhaps the sooner St. Patrick’s prophesy (guarantee to the Irish people that they will not be consumed by fire, but will instead drown in the accompanying flood) comes to pass the better. It would at least put an end to the low level wit on this site. Small mercies.

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