McGuiness Cabinets hits the Long Mile Road!

A fab new cabinet maker’s showroom was unveiled on Saturday with a great big TV advertising launch during what we will fondly look back on as the actually-not-that-bad days of The Late Late Show. McGuiness Cabinets are looking to capitalise on the mood of the country’s homes for doing up their, erm, cabinet.

It’s not easy work, said proud proprietor John McGuiness, originally a native of Carlow AND Kilkenny. ‘It involves a lot of ripping out of sub-standard dreck from underperforming monkeys. You should see some of the shocking muck that the last fellas put in,’ frothed a visibly calm McGuinness.

Like many entrepreneurs in the current climate of the state of the economy given present circumstances of uncharted waters in which we find ourselves in, the key to McGuinness’s enthusiasm was getting sacked by his previous employers. ‘I was fed up working with Coughlan ‘You Cash We Carry’ Kitchens anyway,’ claimed My Guinness in a pub last night. ‘The quality wasn’t there, and time and again I had to prop up shoddy work.’ Mind you, that could’ve been the drink talking.

One onlooker, by the unlikely name of Slugger O’Toole, claimed ‘You may never have even heard of this guy before, but he was smooth.’ One thing is for certain, here at Emergency Heights we will be getting a quote from this new outfit for ripping out the mouldy cabinet we’ve got and putting something less smelly in. In fact. we’ve started the quotation process already. Here’s one:

John McGuinness’ appearance on the Late Late Show tonight was a logical conclusion of months of pinned up rage that this country is feeling toward the Cabinet – and primarily to Mr Cowen, Mr Lenihan and Mrs Coughlan – towards the public sector at large and towards the scores of mostly nameless, faceless (but sometimes publicly visible) ‘advisers’ who have systemically destroyed the prosperity of this country and its chances of coming out of the recession as a competitive and growth-focused economy.


No, we haven’t a clue what it’s got to do with cheap laminated home furnishings either.

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