Martin Steps Out Of Shower
“It Was Just A Dream” He Tells Shocked Electorate
Micheál Martin has not been part of a disasterous Fianna Fáil government tainted by accusations of corrupt cronyism, but was just showering. The shock revelation came at a Fianna Fáil press conference where Martin lucnhed the party’s proposals for reform.
“Imaginary, Dream Fianna Fáil were a terrible crowd,” admitted Martin, “Thankfully I’m out of the shower now, fragrant and real and I mean reformy business”.
“Selective In Our Audience”
The Fianna Fáil leader revealed that his party was on course to vastly improve the quality of the people voting for it, by deliberately slashing their numbers. “Although we will have far fewer seats, they will be of a very high standard, with possibly 80% more seaty goodness in each one. The days are gone when a Fianna Fáil TD could expect to represent any old constituent. Now we will be selecting only a few hand-picked constitutents to represent.”
Fianna Fail has now pledged to abolish the Seanad. “The Seanad typifies the sort of political patronage and cronyism indulged in by Dream Fianna Fáil, with which I have nothing to do,” explained Martin. “Now that we’ll be appointing the cabinet randomly from our special friends, we simply don’t need the Seanad anymore”.
“Not That Payment”
Fianna Fáil also pledged to end huge payments for ministers after they have left their ministerial post. However Mr. Martin’s payment of about €90,000 as a former minister will not be affected, since it was given to Dream Micheál Martin and not the real showering one while we were all asleep.