Mansergh Accidentally Reveals Greens Not Human
In a shock slip of the tongue, uncharacteristic of the normally phlegmatic Fianna Fail eminence grise, Martin Mansergh last night reveled that the Green Party are not a normal human party. They are in fact seemingly the result of an accident involving an interstellar spore-transporter.
The astounding truth emerged on TV3’s prototype television programme “Tonight With Vincent Browne” when the show’s eponymous host questioned Mr. Masergh about his feelings on the Green Party leader John Gormley’s teary revelations of sleeplessness and Victorian insanity in a recent Dail speech.
Mansergh criticised those who beat up on the junior coalition party, at first branding this as “racist” bullying. However it has emerged that other p[anellists and technicians in the makeshift studio-style container from which the programme is broadcast clearly heard Mansergh amend this under his breath, saying “actually that’s unfair, it’s more speciesist, what with the Green Party being the result of an accident involving an interstellar spore transporter”.
Sources close to a still-smoking impact crater at a mystery location in South County Dublin, reachable only by bike or on the 46a bus, have confirmed that what is now known as the Green Party fell to Earth shortly before the last General Election.
“You could describe the thing that fell from the sky as a podule, I suppose,” said the source who cannot be named in order to protect the unverifiability of this report, “although in all honesty it looked more like the wicker basket off the front of a pushbike than anything else”.
Eyewitnesses saw “several small evil looking squishy things” crawl out of the impact crater. Parasitical in nature, they quickly sought human hosts and happened upon a Green Party outing which was in the area at the time and which included all members of the current Green Party parliamentary party.
The group had been playing a normal game of “grass and moth varieties” when they were set upon by the alien entities. It is understood that the Green merrymakers had dropped their guard as the aliens resembled a seaweed gel and quinoa porridge often left around the office by Deirdre de Burca at the time. The entities crawled into their brains and left them unharmed except for a chemical which in the alien beings acts a mild narcotic, but which in the human system gives rise to a vast surge in self-righteous arrogance.
The aliens feed on power and like a laugh, a deadly combination which led to the host eejits gaining and then fecking about with political power in the subsequent election and resulting coalition government.
When questioned about the revelation, Green Party TD and Minister For Energy, Eamon Ryan ridiculed the allegations and wrote a full denial of the whole matter on a stone wall with a strange hot beam emanating from his eerily glowing eyes. He then expanded to ten times his normal size and ate the journalist from The Emergency Breaking News through an aperture in his knee.