Limerick Priest Blasphemes

treeA small community in Limerick has interrupted the recession with a petition looking to retain a tree stump which they say looks like the Blessed Virgin.  The community, which has already garnered over 2000 signatures (some of them genuine) has recieved statements of support from a village in Sri Lanka which celebrates a fragment of wall that resembles Fonzie from Happy Days.

As thousands gathered locally  in the local churchyard at Holy Mary Parish Church in Rathkeale yesterday, local parish priest Fr Willie Russell said on local radio station Local Limerick Live 95FM that people should not worship the tree. “There’s nothing there . . . it’s just a tree . . . you can’t worship a tree.” 

His statement has angered Pantheists, Hindus and Druids all over Ireland who now wish to have the Catholic clergyman fined. The Druids furthermore wish to have him “bound with yarrow and left to sit near a faery fort continuously for thirty days and eighteen nights”.  Asked to elaborate on how this punishment would work, a spokesdruid told our reporter “…look man,  we’re druids…not….maths guys or something” before shouting “look over there!” and running away to hide behind his VW camper

None of this can remove from the frenzy in sleepy Rathkeale where workmen made the discovery while cutting down trees earlier this week.

Local organisers organised the petition in an effort to have the stump, which was due to be dug out of the ground yesterday, made into a permanent local fixture at the church. “We haven’t had this much fun around here since the last pogrom” said a devout lunatic yesterday who refused to be identified or photographed as they believed that “soul-theft” was our ultimate intent.

A spokesman for the Limerick diocesan office said the “church’s response to phenomena of this type is one of great scepticism”.

“While we do not wish in any way to detract from devotion to Our Lady, we would also wish to avoid anything which might lead to superstition,” he said, before moving his hands over a big bowl of water and some crackers while putting on a “ghostie” voice.

Be Sociable, Share!

One Response to “Limerick Priest Blasphemes”

  1. Donncha O Caoimh Says:

    I photographed several tree stumps yesterday. None of them looked in any way remarkable.

    Shame really. The local pub could do with a few extra visitors.

Leave a Reply