Limerick Crime Bosses Execute Angela’s Ashes Author

_40863911_snape203imageCrime exclusive in only in today’s SUNDAY WILLIAMS by our celebrity Crime Correspondent PAUL MEDIAWHORE
Frank McCourt in happier times

Ciaran “The Fella” McCarthydundongang turned the air blue as he finished reading the best selling book Angela’s Ashes written by one his native city’s finest sons and vowed that one day he would “…get even” with “…that bollix” who had “…said mean stuff” about his home town “…Limerick” – thats according to my contacts in the Garda Siochana WHO HAVE NEVER LIED ONCE EVER

That was in 1999 – Frank McCourt’s warts and all polemic on his brutal upbringing in 1930’s Limerick was feted by Gay Byrne, Oprah and Kerry Katona alike, but his success was to come with a terrible pricetag HIS LIFE.

My sources in the Gardai have exclusively revealed to me that it was not old age or cancer which took him from us at the ridiculously young age of 78, but a TWISTED CRIMINAL CONSPIRACY forged between Dolores Euromillion (currently the world’s richest Limerick woman) and members of the McCarthydundon/Corleone crime gang determined to TAKE OUT a man who had DISSED THEIR TURF.

Local FF TD and Defensive Minister Willie Fuckwit announced today in the snug of the White House Bar that he would be changing the order of Limerick city pubs that he would be fighting in from now on “Its not safe lads” he told me EXCLUSIVELY, continuing “Dis has gone too far like – as soon as we’re all back off the lash for the summer, I for one am lobbying the Taoiseach – who is not ever drunk…make sure to write that down – I will be lobbying him to purchase a grand slam bomb of some kind and have the Garda chopper detonate it over Moyross. Its all them bastards will understand….now if ye don’t mind I have to go and drain the spuds, I’ve been at it since the breakfast lads.”

Until such time as these TOUGH but NECESSARY measures are undertaken, Gardai in Limerick are taking no chances. Loveable Limerick funnyman Pat Shortt has been placed under a 24 HOUR ARMED GUARD in case ANYONE TRIES TO KILL HIM for ever BEING FUNNY LIKE.

– but sadly for Frank McCourt it is too late. Another victim of MY SALACIOUS investigative “style”.

IN NEXT WEEK’S SUNDAY WILLIAMS I REVEAL EXCLUSIVELY “Did Patrick ‘Dutchy’ Holland Order Michael Jackson’s Death From Beyond Grave? Yes says A SENIOR GARDA

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