Lenihan Allays New Power Fears By Hiding What He’s Doing
The Acting Minister For Finance, Brian Lenihan, has successfully applied for a court hearing concerning “a financial institutuion” to be held in camera, as it dealt with matters of “extreme commercial sensitivity” under new powers contained in the controversial Credit Institutions (Secretiveness) Act 2010. The Act was recently signed after the President had a “good hard look” at it.
Mr. Lenihan, who has been fitted with special eyes under the act to help him see things in a special, secret way, said that this should now silence all the act’s detractors who claimed it gave too much power to the Minister For Finance. New powers given to the minister include:
- The ability to move assets
- The ability to act against the wishes of shareholders in an institution
- The ability to choose menus, stationery and soft furnishings without consulting a chef or interior designer
- The ability to replace some or all board members of the boards of financial institutions with cardboard cutouts or small soft toys such as badgers, dogs or otters
- The ability to hide stuff in the cupboards
- The ability to leap tall stories in a single bound
However Mr. Lenihan insisted fears were groundless now. “There is no need for concern about the act or the powers it gives me,” he explained, “because as you can now see I intend to hide everything in a locked room. At this time of difficulty for us all I have no intention of bothering people with anything I can hide, ignore or present incorrectly as the opposite of what it is in the National Interest. Move along now nothing to see here”.