Lenihan Believes Irish Banking Can Be Restored To Former Greatness
The Minister For Financial Ruin, Mr. Brian “The Stare” Lenihan, has claimed that the €50 billion bailout of the banks by Irish citizens will be worth it when Irish banking is restored to its “former greatness”.
Brian Lenihan Looks The Country In The Eye
A spokesperson for The Irish People welcomed this clarification in a statement written on cardboard and tied around his neck in a doorway on Molesworth Street earlier this morning.
The statement from The Irish People reads:
“We are very sorry for ever doubting your intentions, Mr Lenihan, sorr. Begorrah and it’s the gentleman ye are for to be taking the spittle out of our childer’s mouth for to lubricate the bollix of the banks as they shin back up the razor blade of ignomony to their Former Greatness. Any chance of an aul twig to build a rudimentary shelter for the night cos the gutters is fairly overcrowded this weather and no harm to ye?”
Meanwhile a spokesvampire from the banking sector has also welcomed the minister’s support. “During our Former Greatness we overcharged, evaded tax, lent ourselves money to lend back to ourselves and generally acted the maggot in a way which became a template for the world,” the spokesvampire explained at a press conference in the Central Crypt in Dublin this morning. “Now we have lost the respect of all the international brothers in bloodsucking, but with this generous donation on behalf of the next few generations we feel we can back on the pig in no time flat”.
Meanwhile the EU has again warned that Ireland must have a forty year budget plan, scrap low corporate tax and get back into its box. Construction work on the box has been halted due to lack of funding.