Labour In Dramatic 3pm Announcement

Labour Leader Eamon Gilmore demonstrating his girl like catching abilities at his press conference moments ago

Labour Leader Eamon Gilmore has just given a dramatic press conference to dispel suspicions that there really isn’t much difference between the three main parties on economic policy when it comes to bending over and taking it from the ECB/IMF – he also took the opportunity to prove how different he is from acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen.

“Labour are pressing forward. Labour wants change. I am as unlike Mr Cowen as can be. I wish to reassure voters that I will be a completely different animal to him in government. There will be no favours for vested interests granted or sought on a golf course or any other field of play by me or under my watch. Sure I haven’t a coordinated bone in my body. I catch like a girl and swing like a wasp. There’ll be no sport when I’m in. Oh no”.

“Labour are thrusting. We are going to hold all the cards after the next election. Let the voters make up their minds and not be told about Dáil arithmetic – Labour will triumph”

Asked by reporters how the voting public could be differentiate him from, say Enda Kenny, Mr Gilmore was forthright. “You will be able to tell us apart easily. I will be in the Tánaiste’s office”.

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