Judge Finds Not Disgraced Truthful Senator Callely “Capable of storing solid butter in mouth

Senator Ivor Callely pictured just after being found by the High Court to be so innocent of any wrongdoing that butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth

Senator Ivor Callely (appointed a Senator by Bertie Ahern) has won his High Court action aimed at overturning a Seanad committee’s finding that he had intentionally misrepresented his normal place of residence as Kilcrohane, Co Cork, in order to claim expenses.

High Court Justice Iarfhlaith O’Neill (appointed a judge by Bertie Ahern) said today the Seanad Select Committee of Members’ Interests had misdirected itself in law on the definition of a “normal place of residence” and had breached natural justice and fair procedures in failing to give Mr Callely (appointed a Senator by Bertie Ahern) a reasonable opportunity to defend himself on a charge of breach of political ethics. It isn’t clear whether or not Mr O’Neill (appointed a judge by Bertie Ahern) took into account the difficulty faced by Senator Callely (appointed a Senator by Bertie Ahern) in mounting a legal challenge because his bedroom is in a different county to his living room.

A statement issued after the ruling on behalf of Mr Callely (appointed a Senator by Bertie Ahern) expressed the senator’s satisfaction with the High Court decision, which “clearly vindicates” his position. Mr Callely (appointed a Senator by Bertie Ahern) had tried to read the statement out himself, but was rendered unintelligible by an alarming quantity of molten butter streaming from his mouth.

The Emergency would like to take this opportunity to apologise unreservedly to Senator Callely (appointed a Senator by Bertie Ahern) for any suffering it may have caused Mr Callely (appointed a Senator by Bertie Ahern) and his wife (appointed a Senator’s wife by Bertie Ahern) and family (appointed a Senator’s family by Bertie Ahern) for implying that there is anything deceitful in claiming to live in two places at once or the furthest possible address from one’s place of work for the purpose of misappropriating public monies. We now realise that this contention was incorrect and are more than happy to join a relieved citizenry in discovering the error in our collective perception. We wish to thank Mr Justice Iarfhlaith O’Neill (appointed a judge by Bertie Ahern) for his part in clearly establishing in a 73 page judgement Mr Callely’s (appointed a Senator by Bertie Ahern) unimpeachable integrity

NEWSFLASH AA Roadwatch have issued a warning to motorists in the north Dublin suburb of Clontarf and those in West Cork to take extra care when driving as there is a “high risk” of butter slicks in both areas.

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