Japan Emerges From Recession

Japan, for many years known as the ‘Asian Ireland’ economy, has emerged from it’s longest recession since WW2, prompting a surge in sake sales and an upturn in karaoke bar bookings unseen since the early 1980’s.

Japanese Finance Minister Bri Lenih-San has announced an immediate reward of 18 seconds of extra free time per Japanese citizen to be phased in on a weekly basis until 2027. Many economists however say that such ebullient celebrations may be premature and are urging caution.

Ryan Bigot, Emeritus Professor of Economics, Whining & General Begrudgery at UCG is one such. “It’s all well and good them Toyota fabricating warlocks with their minaturise this and geegaw that witchcraft thinking that they’re well up in the green shoots of recovery stakes just because they’ve managed to squirell away a few billion yen in exports lately – but they’re in for a land them buckos” he told bystanders while waiting for his car at the NCT testing centre in Galway’s Merlin Park Industrial Estate.

Pausing only to to wipe his nose on an old woman’s sleeve and open another can of Tesco cider, Professor Bigot expanded on his theory that there are rough times still ahead for Japan; “They haven’t factored in the next bombshell coming for them have they? Hah? No they haven’t! What kind of a slump are they in for when they realise that there’s no more poor gobdaws in Ireland left to buy 219 flat screen plasma televisions and a Honda 50 each every two days hah? None of that oul Japanese shite lasts jig time anyways. Not like my car. Its a decent Irish car. A 88G reg green Ford Escort……what do you mean its not passed? Of course its passed! That car was blessed with spittle collected from Mini-Dev O’Cuiv himself….not passed me hole ye little….what are you? Cuban or what? Are ye English?”

The Celtic Tiger committed hari-kiri earlier this century but didn’t bleed out due to several clots, chiefly the renowned fantasist Bertie Ahern.

Our picture shows the green shoots of recovery in the Irish economy seen by Brian Cowen and members of his opium ring

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