Jackie Healy Rae Resignation Shock Stuns Dáil

Jackie Healy Rae and cap in happier times

The trademark cap worn by Kerry independent TD Jackie Healy Rae has dramatically thrown itself out of the ring this evening.

Its the news many in Leinster House were expecting – following hot on the heels of the resignations of high profile politicians George Lee from Fine Gael and Deirdre de Burca from the Green Party, the coalition has been rocked by a last minute letter from Jackie Healy Rae’s cap stating its immediate resignation from the colourful Kerry TD’s head.

In its resignation statement, the distinctive plaid cap cites “long running lack of confidence in hairstyle” and “an unwillingness to continue masking a ridiculous comb-over” as reasons behind its decision. The cap, which has campaigned with Healy Rae from his earliest days on the hustings as a run of the mill Fianna Fail goon, will be sadly missed by many TDs on all sides of the Dail who find the full sight of Mr Healy Rae repugnant.

The Kerry TD, who like many others in Leinster House has spent the week trying to work out how best to continue screwing taxpayers through the newly announced expenses regime, issued a statement to reporters on the plinth just after 5pm this evening. “Arragh pannaarraoooaa gerly nattin upattalll derra wanna boot” he said with obvious emotion in what scientists have loosely described as his ‘voice’.

Speaking through a combination of signs and an interpreter, Mr Healy Rae was quick to reassure his constituents that he would continue in his low level corruption, gombeenism and support for acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen’s ‘government’ without any noticable drop in output. This he hoped to achieve with the aid of his new best friend, Squiggles, a gogo hamster which is now covering his trademark brylcreemed ‘hair’.

Mr Healy Rae and ‘Squiggles’ speaking to reporters earlier this evening

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