Demands by Ivor Callely for an apology have been widely reported in ‘De Meeja’, a shadowy group recently identified by Fianna Fail’s best minds as being solely responsible for the national and global economic crisis. The perma-tanned West Cork resident says that, since the Seanad investigation of his expenses, he has been wrongly portrayed as a “rogue politician, milking the system and ripping off taxpayers”.

Here at The Emergency we acknowledge Mr Callely’s assertion and are willing to clarify that we are endeavouring to portray Mr Callely as a typical politician, milking the system and ripping off taxpayers. We wish to apologise unreservedly for any confusion or distress caused to any West Cork resident, or indeed anyone who has spent time in coastal north Dublin, taking perhaps, a little rest during a shopping or business trip to the capital.

Senator Callely pictured describing the lovely fluffiness of his beloved West Cork

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