Ireland Pledges Half A Billion Euro To Greek Rescue

Minister For Grand Theft Brian Lenihan drawing down another few hundred million from down the back of a voter

Theft Minister Brian Lenihan yesterday pledged €450 million to troubled EU member Greece yesterday, asserting that the move would make money for the Irish taxpayer – despite a careful perusal of the racing form revealing that there is no such horse as “Greece” running any single entrant flat races anywhere in the world.

Mr Lenihan dismissed angry calls to Liveline which said that a country as bankrupt as Ireland is in no position to lend anyone anything. “That is a mistruth” he said, continuing “Why only yesterday I was rummaging down the back of the taxpayers looking for the television remote control and I managed to find several billion euro that I had meant to give to Anglo to invest in our diseased good friends in the robust Quinn Group….and I found a Turkish Delight too. My brother Conor had bitten all of the milk chocolate off and put the jelly bit back in the wrapper, but that’s not important; we are where we are. We’re all in it together. If it’s a bank. Or a developer. If it’s just you and your house, you’re on your own. Lehmann Brothers did it”.

He then hissed on reassuringly for a few minutes before becoming impatient and saying “Look” a lot before insisting that the Irish taxpayer is getting a good deal from NAMA.

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